“It is the childlike mind that finds the kingdom.” ~ Charles Fillmore

There was a time if anything was mentioned to do with “healing the inner child,” I would cringe. Maybe it was fine for some people, but for me “nah” I was too cool. It wasn’t until many years and several layers later that I got the memo. I really needed to do some serious healing around my childhood. But I guess the pain was too great to endure and I just needed to be ready to delve into dark waters. Not to mention, I was still too deeply dissociated from my emotional pain.

Over the last few years I began sharing my personal story. I came from an abusive household and my mother was not well to say the least. I suffered greatly from tremendous anxiety and fear. This along with some other challenging things introduced me to the idea of therapy. Soon after, I was given the number of a reputable therapist.

On arrival I proceeded to unravel all my sorrows to the man sitting in front of me. He listened with his educated perception then wrote me a prescription for antidepressants. I was instructed to see him twice a week. Month after month, I went faithfully to sit and speak to this stranger. I felt zero connection to him or the work. Although therapy can be incredible and have profound results for some, I felt I needed something different. I chose to walk away and took myself off the antidepressants. I must say I am grateful I followed my inner voice. It simply was not in my destiny to go that route. And although I was quite young at the age of twenty one, something didn’t feel right.

What followed was a phase where I joyfully welcomed an unhinged wild child who took life by storm. I was living in New York City and the world was my oyster. I had absolutely no concept of being grounded nor did I care to be. However, I was always drawn to the spiritual side of life. I started to see many random healers and psychics and proceeded to live in an alternative reality. But hey, I was young and my pain body had not yet caught up with me.

Through a lifestyle of being disconnected from myself, I inevitably crashed and hit a wall. Lost and scared about my reality, I knew I needed a change. So when the British guy I was seeing at the time asked to marry me, I said yes. I packed up my Manhattan life and off to London I went.

I arrived in the suburbs of Clapham in the cold dark months of winter. My hopes of a happily ever after were fading fast. I felt horrible because I was so miserable and unhappy. All I could think was, what was wrong with me? This should be a celebrated time. The walls were caving in and I had no idea how to stop it. At that moment I realized for the first time that I had an intense fear of intimacy.

But what I didn’t realize then was although I was being challenged by my fearfulness, a change was already happening. My old life of disconnect and fear was in its demise. The new life of soul purpose and spiritual alignment had begun.

I would ask, But how was I going to change my life? And how can one stop long enough to make a shift? I needed to surrender, but what route does one take to make that happen? I had a huge ego and was full of pride.The idea of surrender was not high on my list. The need to continue the fight to assume my old patterns was deeply ingrained in me. In other words, I didn’t let go very well.

Out of desperation and a need to be alone, I went for a long walk. I was in the deep silence of nature and found a big rock to sit on. I felt so defeated and frustrated. Why was this happening to me? I began to sense an uneasiness. I prayed for this uncomfortable feeling to stop only to find it intensified. Panic began to take over and with no one around me, I was left to face it alone. I felt a wave of energy surge inside of me. My mind then presented, if you like, a vision of a frightened little girl. I was surprised by this and soon realized that the innocent child was me. In this strange viewing, I saw a huge shadow lurking over her. The figure I saw was not of the light and believed it was a demonic force. I was terrified by the intensity, but something began to happen. I began to shift into a heroic force. I gently approached this innocent child. Without hesitation I took a deep breath and called out for God’s help. I made myself larger than the shadow and armored my inner child. I put my arms around her and screamed with great force to this negative energy, “You will leave her now!” I had never witnessed such strength in myself before. Surprised by my certainty, the darkness then became smaller until it withered away and vanished. My little girl wept, and I held her until she felt safe enough.

My heart hurt knowing I had abandoned her for such a long time. Why did I despise that vulnerable part of myself? I started to cry then wailed for what seemed like an eternity. All along I had thrown myself to the wolves. I was far from my truth and had been deeply in denial. I realized then I had it all wrong. I had defended and clung to an old idea that I needed to be “cool.” My ego had total reign over my life. Humbled, I saw how absent I had been. Why had I hardened myself and worn a mask of pretending? My thoughts began to connect back to the idea that I wasn’t bad. That these lower thoughts about myself were false. I was goodness and had always had a connection to what was right deep down inside. I had simply been looking for my truth in the wrong places, that’s all. 

I sat in the forest dazed and still bewildered by the event that just occurred. I asked, Was that real? I had heard about inner child work, but this had blown my mind. What I just witnessed not only was real, but started a process that would change the course of my life. 

I floated back home and was amazed at how good life felt. A new sensation beamed through me, it was a feeling of joy! The despair that was haunting me had genuinely lifted. This made me curious.The quest to discover more about this healing ignited a fire in me. 

I began an enthusiastic new approach to my life. Which helped me to discover many books, meditations, and workshops on healing the inner child. What an incredible real journey into self discovery. I was amazed at how good it felt to drop my guard and allow myself to be vulnerable. I loved this process because it took a lot of energy to maintain an image that wasn’t my true essence.

This process really began to open my soul’s purpose. One does not allow the flow of God to enter when the ego is in control. At times it was a bit scary to drop my guard. It was not always easy when I didn’t know for certain where “all this” was taking me. But there were gentle loving guides who were helping me along the way. They always brought me back in alignment or to where I needed to be. Of course when I didn’t resist the help, and allowed the gentle nudge of guidance, everything ALWAYS fell into place. 

I cannot stress enough how everyone could benefit from this work. No one needs to know this process but you. This is such a personal experience. Start loving and speaking to the small child within. Believe it or not, they do exist. They are just as real as the adult self. Whenever you feel “off,” meditate and connect to this part of you. See yourself as a three-year-old child and ask them how they are. It is important to listen to how they are feeling. Always ask what it is that they want. You will be amazed at how, when this part of yourself is not feeling safe, it will block the flow of your life. She/he will sabotage you until their fear is awknowleged. Believe me, I know how powerful this work is. When you get angry or feel victimized, this is the inner child feeling taunted from something from the past. 

One more thing I want to mention before I go. I still have pain and can allow the ego to snag me all the time. When I have been hurt and want to be justified in my reaction to “the pain they caused me,” I can start a rampage of anger and be defensive. I am not a saint. However, if I drop down into my heart and ask why am I upset, I usually see a young child within me needing to feel safe. Take a moment and give the love your inner child needs. Then watch the self-righteous ball of negative energy melt away from you. This will get you in touch with the real root cause. Healing the inner child. This is the original pain you need to heal.

May the child-like wonder return to your life and bring you back into magic and joy.
God Bless 😀

“It is rare to find a powerful healer like Shari with true humility when it comes to her work. Her neutrality and clean energy has allowed me to feel safe enough to let go and address the things that could no longer be avoided, including my inner child. It’s tough work, but I’ve experienced many miracles since working with Shari. She has helped me get on my path and I am grateful for her guidance, kindness, integrity, realness, and ability to see the joy and goodness of each moment. There are no airs about her and she truly is the real deal.”  —Gloria